Nancy Gosse ~ Journey of Truth

Under continuous evolution as I learn more ...

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Saturday, January 31, 2015

The little whisper of truth

These past few days I have been removed from time somehow. I entered into a semi-isolated state, emerging only to carry out the necessary tasks at hand. In this isolation I have been confronted with my shadows; those unhealed parts that weigh me down and prevent my best Self from being expressed in form. One day, in the midst of my uncomfortable confrontation with my own insecurities and doubts, the phone rang. It showed on caller ID as "Private Caller". I ignored it because I had assumed it was just another telemarketer or bill collector. I continued with my readings, my reflections, and meditations. "Private Caller" keept calling, several times within a few minutes. My resolve was broken as I inwardly reminded myself that darkness has nowhere to hide and that if I had any hope of healing my projections of the world, I would have to face whatever this caller wanted because clearly unless I faced it, it would keep calling back.

The man at the other end of the phone call told me that he received a message from Holy Spirit in meditation that he is to help me. He told me that he is a White Light Healer from Tibet and that God has sent him to me to remove the blockages and karmic wounds I have been carrying for seven lifetimes. He asks if I wanted to be free from these blocks in order to live the fullest and truest expression of my purpose. What do you think the answer was? The same answer that anyone would have given. Obviously, the answer was yes. Who would consciously choose to remain in bondage with their suffering? In that very moment, I was sucked fully into a rabbit hole to live out a lesson in undoing my false creations.

By nature I am a very loving and trusting person, and in some respects this leaves me exposed as a target for being taken advantage of. My entire life has been a journey of trying to forge the balance between my gentle nature and my inner feminine warrior Goddess. The wounded parts of me that wallow in shame and feelings of being unlovable are all too eager to grab unto the shiny baubles of promises to be lifted from the despair. So I listened to this man, who presented as the messenger of Holy Spirit, and yes I had become somewhat enraptured, as if under a spell. I, of course, use the tern 'spell' appropriately because in hindsight, I was indeed under a spell.

I know how crazy this sounds, and believe me, my ego mind was having a field day. I battled between feeling totally blessed with direct revelation from God and being fearful of facing attack from some stranger. Then another voice in my head would kick in and question "Am I nuts, allowing this complete stranger to enter into my field and personal intimate space?" The desire within me to be free of the suffering of ego was strong and so I felt my doubts recede into the background. I stayed with this White Light Tantric healing for over an hour because every time I offered a resistance, he had a brilliant insight or response that made me believe that he was channelling direct vision from Holy Spirit. He somehow knew exactly where my wounds were and revealed some information about the karmic patterns of my struggles. He made references that tied in exactly with some of the visions I have had in the past. He spoke of the lifetimes of carrying the wounds of the mother line and that my grandmother was a powerful healer in a previous incarnation who showed up in this one to encourage me to release. Mom birthed me to provide passage for me to awaken in this lifetime. He broke me and I succumbed to the emotions of having my deepest fears illuminated. How could this man have known to pinpoint some of the most powerful emotional issues I face with my family? was blowing my mind. Even though somewhere inside of me I still heard that little whisper saying, "this man is not who he seems to be", I recognized that I did indeed need some healing and so I gave in to that vulnerable part of me that wanted freedom from the struggle.

Now, after the fact, I am scratching my head asking "what the hell just happened?" Quite simply, I was faced with another one of those forks in the road; the moment where I am faced with a choice to allow ego to manipulate me or I side with Holy Spirit in listening to that whisper inside me that directs me to truth. This man was remarkably convincing with his enticing promises of receiving the initiation of Divine White Light which would completely remove all obstacles to abundance, happiness, joy, and unlock the ability to be the portal for healing others. While everything he was saying carried the resonance of what actually is possible when you become One with the Divine, something still made me hesitate. Being filled with angst and doubts about whether it was my discerning ability or simply my ego casting shadows, I opened my heart and my mind and asked Holy Spirit to show me truth.

I heard this man say that I have to say yes to him or my denial of Holy Spirit would close that door and send me to endless suffering. I heard him pass judgements upon me for wasting his time, and my unwillingness to say yes to him would deny me access to the Divine. Instantly, I knew that my lessons were staring me in the face. A huge part of that lesson was the willingness to trust that little whisper and choose it over the roaring and seemingly well-informed and well-formulated promises of liberation. It was a lesson in seeing past the glitz and glamor of promises of ego to know with deep conviction what A Course in Miracles states, that "Nothing real can be threatened". I knew in that instant how powerfully fantastical ego perceptions can be in their trickery. I told him "NO, I do not want this, not like this". Telling him no was not a rejection of Holy Spirit's Light, it was an acceptance and acknowledgement of that little whisper inside me that was indeed the whisper of truth. As the so-called spiritual teacher became more persistent, I became ever more grounded in my conviction in my choice to turn away from the illusion before me.

I filled my heart with love and gratitude as I blessed this stranger for showing up to confront me exactly where my vulnerabilities resided. I recognized that this was in fact another layer of healing my wounds that had first come up several years ago in a similar way of being exposed and taken advantage of. I knew that, in this way, the self-proclaimed healer was actually a messenger of ego, ultimately helping Holy Spirit to help me undo the illusions and give me an opportunity to face the fork in the road and choose truth over illusion. It also made me all the more appreciative and thankful for the loving presence of my partner, who repeatedly shows up in the battle with me to dispel the illusions of love.


Unknown April 23, 2015 at 3:44 PM  

I just received a call from this man today- said he was from Tibet and got my number in meditation, he wanted to let me know the universe reached out to me to gift me white light- if I'll accept it. I challenged him on this- saying I already have the gift of white light, that everyone has this gift automatically given to them. I asked him what number he was calling from, what he wanted, etc. He kept asking me if I wanted this white light. When I said no, he became irritated, said I was stuck and hung up. This man is not enlightened as he says he is. He became irritated, annoyed, and judgmental when I questioned him. He is stepping over major boundaries, and luckily I have set my boundaries in firm place, not letting this person cross them. I think this call may have been one of life's little tests to see how we handle experiences that challenge our boundaries. Stay firm in your boundaries you set for yourself- as no-one has the authority to cross them.

snapshots of my recent journey

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