Nancy Gosse ~ Journey of Truth

Under continuous evolution as I learn more ...

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Friday, January 22, 2010

wise words from a friend

My friend, and spiritual mentor, once told me that the last thing the world needs is more spiritual gurus...what the world really needs is people who are more grounded and spiritually present in the muck and mire of everyday life. While I am watching all the news of the Haiti earthquake recently and reflecting on all the happenings in the world, around my own town, and with people close to me, I am coming to a better understanding of what it means to just BE and live your life. I am appreciating the simplicity of just being in the state of blissful contented happiness of the routine of life.

For the past 5 years, I have wasted so much time and energy in trying to make things happen in the way that I had judged to be appropriate for someone who was supposed to be 'enlightened'. Most of my disappointments have occurred in situations where I had 'failed' in bringing my work as a spiritual healer to fruition in the form of having my own established and successful practice. Boy, was I ever missing the boat!!! So many times I recall people telling me that they were so glad to have me around because they felt so much calmer in my presence. I smiled and thanked them, but inside I was feeling restless and unhappy because I felt I was supposed to be out there saving the world, carrying my placard that proved my worth as healer. In doing this, I had completely discounted the value of what was right in front of me. Little did I realize it, but I was already being in service to Creator simply by BEING this calm presence that was helping those around me.

A homeless man who had been on the same corner every morning as I walked to work showed me a clear example of how the light of Spirit is always present and doesn't rely on snazzy entrapments to prove itself. Regardless of weather or circumstance, regardless of how many sneers and jeers he received, this man on the corner always smiled. I found myself looking forward to seeing him with a chance to say good morning. As I passed by, our eyes would meet and I felt such a deep and sincere beauty of soul in him. One morning I handed him a hot chocolate because it was so cold and I knew he must be feeling it... again his eyes met mine, he smiled and in his usual manner, thanked me, knodded his head, and wished me a great day as he got back to the usual business. How beautiful and how simple was that? He didn't hold any placards to demonstrate how valuable he was but his immense value to me was certainly felt in his smile.

In the past two days I have been been dealing with a so-called 'can of worms' that has opened up some emotional stuff in me again. It was a call from an RCMP officer that received my police report from an incident I had gotten duped by. Without going into specifics (because specifics aren't important), about a year ago I had quit my job to start something that I had convinced myself was going to 'save' me from all the struggles I had been having financially. I convinced myself that I was finally going to be able to step out of the 'plain jane' that I thought I was and become this powerful woman that people would finally see what I was capable of. That, right there, was the start of my misery...placing faith in something outside of me and not seeing what was already inherent in God's gift in me. It was my false idol to believe that I wasn't good enough already and that in order to be good enough, I had to become something bigger, better, and more powerful.

The rug got pulled from me pretty quickly when I learned that I had placed my trust in something that didn't exist. The tempting prize turned out to be completely fraudulent. I felt devastated, not only because I quit my job and was now even worse off financially than when I started, but because I had been kicked in the guts with mirrors of my own core beliefs that needed to be healed if I was ever going to truly step out into my own authentic power, not a power that is self-imposed based on a false idea of what it means. When all the pieces of the shattered illusion settled around me, I closed the book ( or so I thought), packed up my life and returned home to my Newfoundland where I knew I needed to face my roots and completely clear out all fragments of what was supporting my deluded image of who I thought I was, and why I thought I wasn't good enough. What a gift that whole incident was...because now here I am talking to you and working on these exciting projects with my writing and finally feeling that I am THERE ALREADY!

So, I'll cut to the chase...the phone call from the RCMP officer showed me that 'my story' around this incident wasn't quite finished. I still had not forgiven myself for what I perceived to be my 'stupidity'. I am again given an opportunity to offer forgiveness and hold a space of being in service to the gift Creator instilled in me for perfect peace. Today, I finally see that my decision to let the story go is really a release for both myself and for the other person involved. Neither of us is a victim nor a perpetrator...I had a calling to awaken my knowledge of being good enough already and I didn't need a court of law to prove that. A conversation with my aunt helped me see that perhaps all that is required is loving kindness and seeing the innocence. As soon as I made that decision today to let go and no longer hold feelings of judgement or despair over the situation, a sense of relief filled me.

Within hours, my phone rang again and I was given exactly what I needed to step forward into the next steps of my letting go and embracing everything that I was wanting from the beginning. So the wise words from my friend now echo in my memory and serve to remind me of being humbled in the sight of the truth of what is inherently given us from Source.


snapshots of my recent journey

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