Nancy Gosse ~ Journey of Truth

Under continuous evolution as I learn more ...

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Friday, January 1, 2010

Unrequited Love

I just finished having a conversation with a friend who recently read my book, Obscurity In Your Face. She asked me about my experience of unrequited love that I wrote about in my book. Have I resolved it? Have I been able to put it behind me?Fortunate for me, I had enough inner strength and connection to my TRUTH that I was able to rise above the near devastation that resulted from this experience. I appreciate being able to have this kind of conversation now because it is perhaps exactly these kinds of conversations that need to happen. Perhaps this is part of why I feel the need to put my life out there so honestly... because if I am experiencing these kinds of things, then surely there are other people going through it too.

One of the things I found so difficult with my experience of this unrequited love was not being able to talk openly about it. With the exception of a couple of close friends, most people would nervously stumble about the words or try to simply appease the conversation and change the subject. Little help that was to me when my emotions were so raw and ran so deep to the core! I needed honesty and the willingness to talk about what was really going on instead of being left to my own devices to burn up in the hell fires of my own ego running amok!

On the spiritual path, it is often the case where such an openness of heart space can initially leave the student experiencing a highly confused state of transferrence, where the experience of becoming ONE with the Divine Connection can become confused with a romantic or sexual attraction for another who is serving in the role of assisting in the awakening process. The awakening of the kundalini energy is such a powerful process and for someone who has never allowed themselves to be in tune with the energies of the lower chakras before (out of a sense of shame, guilt, or fear) this awakening can create a very intense and confusing emotional floodgate to open. That's where I was.

I had lived my whole life up to that point locked up inside my heart and inside my own body. I didn't know what it was to fully experience energy flowing in my body and my creative/sexual/sensual energies were locked up tight in my sense of shame. When I was welcomed into and lovingly guided into the presence of a woman who had been shown to me as connected on a soul level, my soul mate, it was very easy for me to get confused as to the role she was serving. It would have been much easier if she was someone who didn't really like me that much, but as it happened, we liked each other a great deal on the level of personality. I cannot speak for her, although I can guess how much turmoil it must have created for her to want to assist with someone she grew fond of, but knowing that she couldn't be what was expected. My learning from that whole process was to hold great awareness and respect for the powerful emotions that humans carry...that it is extremely important to honor the matters of the heart. For me, sharing in an open and honest dialogue goes a long way to warding off the complications of such soul experiences.

To answer my friend's question, Yes, I have moved past that experience with my heartspace intact and with my deep soul love of this person also intact. I understand better now what love in it's truest form looks like. It does not contain or categorize or try to make someone fit into an arrangement that is not intended to be expressed in a certain way. True love recognizes and honors the other for where they are and allows the other to move thorough the journey easily and with grace.


snapshots of my recent journey

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