Nancy Gosse ~ Journey of Truth

Under continuous evolution as I learn more ...

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Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Keepin' it Real

Couldn't sleep a wink last night...tossed and turned, mulling over all the ideas and wishes for how I am wanting life to unfold... wondering how the vision is to fall into place. For the past 7 years, this vision for a better life, for a way of 'BEING" has been coming to me through messages and Guidance from Spirit. It's so close now I can smell it and taste it. I just can't quite see it in it's true form. I only see aspects of it. It's frustrating me because I feel sometimes like a weary warrior...having been branding my sword of light, cutting away illusions and building new foundations for long. I am SO ready to experience the fruits of that labor.

So while I am laying there tossing and turning I am reminded of the pieces of my unfolding journey that does make sense. Ever since I was a little girl wandering through the woods and playing with the fairies, I new somewhere deep inside that I had a mission to fulfill in this lifetime. I always knew that I was special...not in an ego sort of way that puts me in a place of better than everyone else, but special in the way that I knew I had this mission and was very clear right from 'go' that I needed to make sure this happened.

A lot of experiences I have encountered in this life challenged me in my mission and dumped a lot of garbage in me...feelings of shame, resentment, fear of expressing my voice and speaking my truth. I knew inside that who I truly was, the light shining inside me wasn't of this was a gift from God and it needs to be shared and expressed. Everyone in spiritual circles has heard the phrase "In this world but not of it". That pretty much sums up how I have always felt...never quite feeling like I belonged here.

Through a series of humbling experiences over the course of the past several years, I have been urged by circumstances to "keep it real". Circumstances unfolded in such a way that I was forced to let go of my big schemes and plans for my own version of my brilliant purpose. I was tossed back on my ass and given another opportunity to get real with myself...Thank God for that! I started asking myself some really tough questions about exactly what was floating around in my psyche to keep creating difficulties for myself. I started to see how much hatred, anger, bitterness, and feeling of being 'ripped off' that I was carrying inside...judging everyone and everything around for 'doing this to me'....well, guess what? I did it to myself by not being really brutally honest inside myself.

I moved back to Newfoundland with my tail between my legs, back to the family roots where a lot of the seeds of my demise were actually planted. But interestingly enough, the only place where my salvation could be found because only in facing all this could I ever be healed of it. So here I am...tossing and turning in my bed reflecting on all that's happened. I have had the prize shown to me very clearly in the vision of my purpose in this life. I have been shown in many many ways the blessings that are bursting forth from opening my heart and allowing Spirit to live through me. Finally, everything I have been asking for is right before me. And guess where I saw the brilliant plan unfold...right in the midst of the boring, every day routines of eating right, keeping my body healthy and telling myself everyday to remember to look around and appreciate the simple pleasure of being a human and experiencing the commonplace.

I finally admitted to myself that I just want to live my life, expressing every day in a way that feels like it comes truly from my heart. Then last night, in my restless state, I was shown once again that my creation, my true heart's desire that hovers right before me, can only land on a place that is prepared with a solid foundation with sturdy stairs on which my love and I can enter into the space that has been waiting for us. I have to keep it real and take care of the boring details of life in order to fully express my true heart. Finally reaching an understanding of that makes me appreciate life that much more. My beloved has come to me in the same moment I showed up for myself!


snapshots of my recent journey

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